Houston, this is Daikaiju. We have liftoff.
All systems nominal. Payload intact.
We are go for Operation: Drop A Giant Monster on Mars. We have locked in our Hohman Transfer Orbit and are now approximately 270 days from the Red Planet. Once there, we’ll drop this psychotic, mutated, rampaging lizard onto the planet’s surface and let him run amok.
Uh, Houston this is Daikaiju. The payload seems to be stirring. Requesting permission to administer additional sedatives.
Say again, Houston? Did not copy you there. Sounded like you said there are no sedatives on board, which would be ludicrous.
Houston, we just realized why you guys kept building this up as such a “heroic” mission. We’re not mad up here, actually. It’s pretty much on us for not realizing that strapping a space shuttle to the back of a giant lizard would be a one-way trip.
It’s really getting to be a bumpy ride up here, Houston. Sure wish you would at least acknowledge our transmissions. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been saying, “over.” Over.
Alright Houston, this is Daikaiju again. Screw you guys. I’m turning this thing around and plowing this rocket-powered lizard monster right into your ugly faces. YEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAW!
Wear this shirt: As you rise from the irradiated depths of the South Pacific to defeat Mothra.
Don’t wear this shirt: Into space. We can’t even begin to list all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, but the big ones are exposure to solar radiation and extreme cold.
This shirt tells the world: “I have a way to get the public on board for increasing NASA’s budget.”
We call this color: Pale Baby Blue Dot
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