You don’t support pirate/robot marriage? THEN DON’T GET ONE.

People are people and love is love. You can’t tell me you believe the government has any right to tell a pirate and a robot who have each been struck by Cupid’s arrow that they don’t have the right to be married just because it’s different from what you would want. If you really want to sit at home and hide from the world because there are people doing things you don’t like, then that’s your prerogative, but if everyone gets to ruin life for pirates and robots across the country just because they’re not pirates and robots, then where do we stop? I don’t like people who listen to Justin Bieber; it offends my sensibilities and I feel like it’s an abomination before nature. When do we outlaw that?

See how it’s a race to the bottom? Before you know it, no one’s allowed to do anything.

So here’s the deal: if you or your private club or your deity of choice want to hate pirates and robots, then you’re allowed to not hang out with them. But you can’t tell the government they shouldn’t be allowed to have basic human rights just because you don’t like to think about it. There are plenty of people I don’t want to think about in the bedroom, so you know what? I don’t. Go about your lives! You might get enlightened if you open yourself to the possibility that pirates and robots, different though they may be, can actually be great people. Just like every other group of people on the world, there are winners and there are losers.

Robots and pirates can’t help who they are, but hateful people can.

Wear this shirt: To the pirate pride parade.

Don’t wear this shirt: To the robot bar. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

This shirt tells the world: “Some pirates marry robots. Get over it.”

We call this color: Red is the color of love.

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