2nd place in Derby #190: Magic, with 1033 votes!

A cheeseburger? I offer you completely uninhibited access to my mystical omnipotence and you want a cheeseburger? Is this- Are you messing with me, man? What a wasted wish. I’ve razed kingdoms, carved seas from the land, and ceased death’s hold over man. You see any dragons around here? No, you don’t. I did that. You’re welcome.

Wait. Did you do this as some stupid ironic thing? This is that whole “cheeseburger” craze, isn’t it? Oh don’t sound so surprised that I have a T1 line when you’re willing to accept I can manipulate heaven and earth through magic. But an ironic meme? You wasted your last wish on a meme?! Are you- Are you stupid or something?

Look, I’m not even supposed to tell you this, but you could’ve wished for more wishes. We don’t encourage it and I’m supposed to put up some minimal resistance if you were to try it, but I would’ve let you get away with it. But no. You had to waste it on a ridiculous segment of bizarre internet culture that refuses to die despite a complete absence of creativity since its inception.

No, no. Enjoy your stupid cheeseburger. Little do you know it’s made from ground monkey’s paw.

Wear this shirt: While calling yourself “A-lol-din.”

Don’t wear this shirt: While wandering the desert aimlessly. You’ll want more protection from the sun.

This shirt tells the world: “Wishes rarely work out for people with no attention span and a total lack of impulse control.”

We call this color: Anavyan Nights

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