Hey, thanks for coming out tonight. It gives your wife a chance to get lucky. HA!

No, but I kid you mammals. I tell you what, being a duck isn’t much better. Like the other day, I meet this great girl, she invites me down, things start going well, then suddenly, bingo bango, there’s a gun in my face! I started yelling “I swear, I thought she was eighteen!” Ha ha!

What’s the matter, fella, you hoping for a loon? Hey, Ralphy, drink for my buddy the loon lover down here! It’s all right, pal, we’re just having fun.

Say, what’s the best way to clean up d’leaves in d’fall? Give up? With d’rake! Hey, don’t applaud, just throw stale bread.

The other day I was at my friend’s house, he’s Chinese. Name is Ling. Duck Ling. Can you guys not hear me in the back? Is my quack not echoing tonight or something? BOOM!

Look, I gotta go, that guy’s staring at me like he was a French chef. You’ve been a great crowd, and remember to tip your waitstaff. I always take twenty percent off the top of my bill, but then again, I have good balance so it stays up there. Ha! Thank you, thank you, enjoy the veal!

Wear this shirt: and cover.

Don’t wear this shirt: while lying on your side. It’ll turn into a bunny and that will absolutely ruin the artist’s intent.

This shirt tells the world: “Goose! runrunrunrunrun”

We call this color: Perfect Mascot For The Navy

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