2nd place in Derby #182: Fire, with 913 votes!

I have forged over mountains, forded through rivers, crawled through dungeons and vanquished myriad foes! I swear on my honor, the honor of the family Stay Puft and all my ancestors! No obstacle shall block my path! No foe shall slow my progress! For destiny and for righteousness I stride into battle, fearless!

Whew! Okay, that pointy stick may have struck home, but I will not let mere wounds of the flesh stop me, for my spirit is strong and my will forged from steel! Onward I shall battle!

Oh JEEZ that was hot! Oh, man. I think…I think I’m burned. Oh god, my skin is all brown and bubbly. I feel so much softer than before. Uh, nevertheless, I shall not relent until evil falls before my sword! What the? Is my shield melting? Wow, that was REALLY hot.

Okay, I’m just going to rest here for a second. Think I’m losing a lot of fluff through that stick wound. Wow. I’m kind of lightheaded, but am I losing it? Is the floor made of graham cracker? That can’t be right. Huh, looks like the ceiling is made of the same stuff.

Wait, is that ceiling getting lower?

Wear this shirt: While camping. Just don’t shake your marshmallow stick to try and put it out. It becomes a flaming projectile pretty quickly.

Don’t wear this shirt: In your performance art piece titled “Some More Passion,” in which you re-enact the stations of the S’more.

This shirt tells the world: “If imagining the epically-violent deaths of my campfire treats is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

We call this color: Blackened Marshmallow Cinder

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