Third place in Derby #289: Literary Classics, Guest Editor Jason Toon's pick!
Hermie, dude! Sit down here, you long tall glass of awesome! Can I just say how much I LOVE this treatment? Little long, little dense, but LOVED it! Nautical is scheduled to be hot again in Summer 2014, so you're right on time with this one.
Couple of notes here: this guy Ahab? Yikes. Not gonna be easy to sell an A-Lister on that role. Let's give him a save-the-cat beat on page 9. Maybe something with a sassy orphan he has to take care of, and learns to love as she breaks down his crusty exterior? I mean, hey, you're the writer here. Just take it wherever you want, as long as it's exactly what I just told you.
OK, so then the whale... lots of merchandising potential there, but he doesn't have any dialogue! 7-11 won't even consider a Slurpee cup tie-in without at least three different catchphrases. Maybe something like "Blow it out your hole"? I don't know, you're the writer. But if we get this right, I happen to know that right at this very minute, Mr. Kevin James is seeking another major animated vehicle. This project could be the next Hotel Transylvania!
Now let's talk about the title. What is a Moby? I'm already lost. Then we've got "Dick" in there? Not gonna work. What about something like Whale Tale? Or no, no, wait, Whale Ahoy! Maybe not. We need a new title, whatever it is. You're the writer. I'm sure you can nail it.
Oh, and Hermie, these scenes about rope? The types of rope, how it's made, how it's used on the ship? Lose that. Unless you want to make the rope a funny talking sidekick. You can never have too many funny talking sidekicks in a story like this. But hey, you're the writer. You know that.
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