Look, I really don’t care what you wear, but come near my twig I’ll go all KRS-One on you, understand?
Okay, that’s it. That’s IT! You come stepping up here in those dime store sneakers acting like you own this place? I own this place! You’re in my house! You hear me? Because as long as you can hear me, you’re in my house! I don’t care what you think you saw the squirrels do, because this is not between me and the squirrels. Me and the squirrels are cool, we go way back to early spring. Me and the squirrels were on the stoop together when I was an egg and they were all kittens. This is not about me and the squirrels, this is about me and YOU!
Look at you, dressed like some cheap internet fad. You can haz too many cheezburgerz as far as I can see. Yeah, that’s right, I went there. Me and the head of American Apparel are gonna be in a hot tub harassing high school girls and you’ll be all “Oh, I can’t find parking for the Comic Con boo hoo hoo.” And is that a canvas shoulder bag? Oh, my parents called, they want their garbage back. Think you found their eight track player too?
Yeah, that’s right, walk away before my onslaught of savage intelligence. That’s right. And don’t you get near my twig again, or you’ll get more of the same.
Wear this shirt: oh, gee, I don’t know, where do people wear shirts? I have no idea! Jeez, do you really need your hand held all the time? You can’t even figure out when you’re supposed to wear a shirt? Why don’t you run home to Mommy and ask her to tie your shoelaces too?
Don’t wear this shirt: oh, you can wear this shirt everywhere. To a wedding and the opera and your child’s first christening and to a five star restaurant because t-shirts are sooo high art, aren’t they? They’re challenging and cutting edge and only the cool people wear them. Maybe even you could meet the President in one! I bet that’d look great in the National Archives.
This shirt tells the world: “I’m not going to see Camille Paglia tonight.” What? You don’t get that? Well, it’s no wonder, is it? Because that’s the sort of thing you’d have to be cultured to know. Sheesh. And they call me a bird brain.
We call this color: Olive The Above Statements Do Not Necessarily Reflect The Opinions Of The Staff And Management Of Shirt.Woot, Who Love You
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