1st place in Derby #164: Prehistoric Art, with 640 votes!

Is that what they’re saying about me now? That I picked up a spear and slew a giant dragon-monster-thing that had been terrorizing the town and setting everything on fire? Wow. I mean, the adulation is nice, but I gotta say, that’s just not how it went down.

For one thing, it wasn’t a dragon. It was a raccoon. And it hadn’t set the town on fire. It didn’t do anything more terrifying than eat a few squashes from the village farm plot. And there wasn’t any epic, life-or-death confrontation involving spears and talons. I just found it asleep one afternoon and dropped a rock on it. A shame, but it had to be done. Just one of the dirty little jobs of farm life. Made pretty good soup out of him, but still, nothing to paint a buffalo skin over, that’s for sure.

It’s true what they say. You never realize how ridiculous most legends are until you’re in one.

Wear this shirt: when you’re heroically slaying evil monsters from the safety of your DM’s kitchen table.

Don’t wear this shirt: while you’re actually hunting, unless you apply some orange reflective tape.

This shirt tells the world: “I was born several millennia too late.”

We call this color: Lo, Praise Of The Prowess Of Brown.

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