2nd place in Derby #211: Everyday 8-Bit, with 690 votes!

Okay, relax. Mama mia, you fungus freaks are jumpy. I’ll get her. It’s not like she’s going anywhere, alright? Let me get Luigi on the phone-

Oh, come on. This isn’t one of those stupid adventures with a water cannon or in space or whatever, is it? I don’t have to play tennis or a series of party games, do I? Sweet Piranha Plant on a Platter, this is getting old. Do you idiots not lock the doors on her castle or something? I mean this is beyond comical at this point.

Fine. Let’s do this. But you know what? We’re gonna cut the crap this time. What’s Bowser got this time? Eight castles? Okay. Find out where the eighth one is. That’s where I’m going first. Screw this “World 2-3” crap.

Wear this shirt: on the off chance that the “geeks need coffee” meme has not yet achieved total global saturation. There’s gotta be somebody in Ulaan Bator who’s never heard it.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re already rocking a Fire Flower. That 1UP could go to somebody who needs it.

This shirt tells the world: “I don’t know what’s emptier: my coffee cup or my life. Sometimes I don’t even know if there’s a difference.”

We call this color: I take mine brown.

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