3rd place in Derby #247: Open Spaces, with 537 votes!

Ahh, so you wanted to take a hike to celebrate Earth Day, huh? Well, you’ve come to the right place. You see, I’m not your typical hike leader. No, I have a far more personal relationship with nature than most outdoor enthusiasts.

But anyway, let me tell you about some of the paths we can take. The first, is the beginner. It’s not too steep, no real tough climbing, generally pretty dry. That one’s up Chris. Chris is that mountain over there. He’s a good mountain, but really shy. Doesn’t share much, which is too bad, really, he’s a heck of a mandolin player.

If you’re looking to exert yourself a little bit more but not too much, we’ve got the moderately difficult route. A little steeper than Chris, but not so bad. A nice little workout, really. That’s with Kathy, the mountain over there. She’s really quite a nice gal. Never afraid to speak her mind but also a great listener, and very supportive. Only weird thing is she speaks with a slight French accent when she’s drunk.

Now, if you’re a serious hiker, we've also got the very difficult path. That one’s steep, lotsa obstacles, some real tough climbing spots, right up to the top of Gerald over there. Gerald’s a great mountain, he really is. Means well, honestly. He’s got a great sense of humor, but sometimes doesn’t understand that his jokes can hurt other people. Little trivia here: Gerald was the inspiration for French Stewart’s character “Harry” from the show, Third Rock From The Sun.

Are you okay, sir? You look like you’ve seen a crazy person.

Wear this shirt: if you’re likin’ what we’re sell(eck)in’!

Don’t wear this shirt: if you think Shirt.Woot is just a bunch of con artists, and you, for one, will not support such connery

This shirt tells the world: “Nature is a real ad-ventura.”

We call this color: You can’t grow grass, without some waters.

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