Hey, yo, DJ, drop a funky Beryllium Astatine solution!

I’m hard like carbon when properly arranged
I’m like Musca domestica just livin’ for today
I come down like temperature in zero Kelvin
And I make nanotech that could be considered Elven
Magic
Cause it’s so far beyond
All the things my colleagues are even now workin’ on
But I ain’t talkin’ until I publish findings hard
So here’s my assistant E to help with his part

Da dada day, dadada day day. Listen to my nine Erlenmeyer’s go bang

Here’s a little somethin’ ‘bout a researcher like me
I don’t often leave the laboratory
They say I should teach? Throw up my cold finger
Then I’ll light me up a Bunsen and bust out the pyknometer

And all you lab assistants, you know how we do
We want to get tenure I want tenure too!
But you gotta have a mentor to get on the fast track
And a hardcore scientist don’t play that wack

Yeah, I’m the type of physicist that’s built to last
So noble I could even be hydrogen gas
You want to take my grant? Ain’t gonna be gentle
Hey, anybody seen where I put my pencil?

Wear this shirt: to a Weird Al concert. You’ll probably get lots of compliments and that could help our profits. Don’t you want us to get raises next year?

Don’t wear this shirt: as protection against hazardous chemicals like acids, bases and your mom’s Beet/Brussels Sprout Smoothies.

This shirt tells the world: “Wait, I thought I could get this lapdance here for free, as long as I presented proper credentials.”

We call this color: There’d Be No Streets Without Asphalt Which Was Invented By Science So Logically Science Is The Root Of All Street Culture And Therefore Hip Hop Is Just Applied Chemistry OW OW NOT IN THE FACE NOT IN THE FACE

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