1st place in Derby #506: Resolutions with 151 votes!

YOUR 2016 HOROSCOPE: BIRTHDAYS 12/22 - 4/19

capricorn (december 22 - january 19): start building bridges in early 2016. reach out to those you have spurned. remember why you spurned them. set fire to the bridges. bring exact change for the vending machine.

aquarius (january 20 - february 18): ramp up your ambition and learn to say “yes!” in 2016, unless the question you’re asked is, “want to get in a cage with this agitated shark?”

pisces (february 19 - march 20): love is in the air this year! unfortunately, so is necrotic, festering resentment. watch out for pluto in the third house. we don’t know what that means, but it could be a real problem. you’ll sneeze 4 times in february.

aries (march 21 - april 19): boy, this may just be your year. or it could be someone else’s year. you can expect some ups, some downs, and some indigestion. in september, you’ll probably get hungry. watch out for run-ins with capricorns and baby bears.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR MORE BS!

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