We're worried about you, Owl.

I hope you guys like salsa con queso, because check out what Owlman brough- what's up guys? Why are you all looking so grim? I thought we were going to watch the NFL Draft...

"Owl, please sit down."

"We're here to help."

Help? What the heck is going on here? Is this…?

"That's right, it's an intervention."

"The NFL draft was a few days ago, Owl."

"But you missed it. Just like you miss everything."

What are you talking about? 

"This crazy life you lead, Owl! Up all night! Sleep all day! It needs to stop!"

"We thought it was a phase! We thought you'd grow out of it! But we were wrong!"

"When's the last time you woke up earlier than sundown, Owl? Answer us that, huh? When's the last time you gave enough of a crap about anything to even get out of bed while the sun was shining, huh?"

You guys, I'm nocturnal.

"What does that even mean, Owl??"

It means I function primarily at night. That's basic owl stuff. I couldn't change my routine even if I wanted to.

"Well, if that's how you feel, fine! When you're ready to take some responsibility for yourself and your way of life, you call us, okay?"

What? We're not watching the draft? Like, no one DVRed it or anything?

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