Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe that’s just a bluebird with a flat top. But we don’t think so.

Mysterious things happen in those woods. People say there’s a white light that no one can explain. Other people hear electricity and what sounds like a curtain opening. No one knows for sure. Ever since what happened at the beauty pageant people are too scared to go up there and look. You know what, let’s not talk about the beauty pageant any more. Ever again.

Every now and then, if you’re out too late, you’ll see a flutter out of the corner of your eye. You’ll tell yourself it isn’t anything and then you’ll see it there, on a bare tree, eyes like a freaky emoticon. You’ll feel it pulling at you, like it wants to take you back to wherever it came from. That’s probably what happened to that blonde cheerleader back in ‘89. The night can sure be a scary place.

Wear this shirt: when you’re drinking damned fine coffee and eating damned good cherry pie. Also try not to swear so much, please. Kids read this page.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re the King of the Beavers.

This shirt tells the world: ”...and they shipped it to me wrapped in plastic! Wasn’t that awesome of them?”

We call this color: Owlive. Easiest one we’ve ever done. Thanks, Jessica.

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