You want to feel weirder about vegetables than you ever have in your life? Check out the Wikipedia page for broccoli, the way you might if you were tasked with writing sales copy for a broccoli-themed t-shirt. You’ll find phrases like “abundant fleshy flower heads” and “a thick, edible stalk” and “a purple cast to the tips of the flower buds”. Is it just us, or does this conjure images of a Gigeresque grotesquerie, a psychosexual horror whose inhuman orifices drip with mystery fluids? Doesn’t it sound less like a wholesome vegetable and more like some unspeakable multi-gendered abomination straight out of Naked Lunch?

Oh, OK. Guess it’s just us, then. Forget we said anything. Broccoli, yum.

This shirt was designed by: Amanda “cheesesandwich” Barker, graphic designer, belle of Detroit, and co-creator of our popular, controversial Row Vs. Wade t-shirt. She says this shirt was “inspired by the always lovely Ella Matt”. We hope we got those names in the right order. If not, please accept our apologies, Matt Ella.

Wear this shirt: to every barbecue you ever go to. That way, when everybody else dies of heart disease and E. coli, at least you’ll know you tried to warn them.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re going out on a date with spinach. I don’t know what it is with those two, but the minute you get them in the room together, the claws come out.

This shirt tells the world: “Smiling broccoli faces don't always have to be creepy.”

We call this color: Broccoli Has A Lot More Nutritional Value Than Olives. Too Bad About The Taste.

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