Man, I ain’t seen that happen since Woodstock.

Of course, back when I was a kid, it happened all the time. Summertime would be so hot, all the trucks would start melting. Once I saw the street turn into a big asphalt river, with banks on either side of the sidewalk. Wasn’t too bad for us, though, we just threw in some ice cubes and then went for a swim. We went home just covered in tar and our parents wouldn’t believe us when we told them the story. Said we had “overactive imaginations”, can you believe that? You think we would all imagine that together?

There was this other time too, if you went outside it was like an oven. Me and my sister were walking home from the grocery store with a bag full of groceries, and it was so hot that when we opened the bag, they’d baked themselves into a cake! Of course, we got in trouble for spending the grocery money on cake, but it wasn’t our fault! Just our Mom didn’t believe us! But why would we lie about something like that?

Personally, I can’t wait for winter. I don’t mind the cold so much, not after the winter when I was eight. It got so cold that even the fire froze. True story, the school asked every kid to keep some frozen fire in their pockets, and then when it was almost melted, we’d throw it on the wood. You had to time it just right, it was a real art. I was pretty good at it, though. Won a medal at the Winter Carnival, too! It’s just a shame it melted the next summer, otherwise I’d show it to you.

Wear this shirt: quickly, and try to have some napkins around.

Don’t wear this shirt: while singing “Farmer In The Dell” unless you want a bunch of children running up to you with dollar bills.

This shirt tells the world: “It just takes a lot more to make us all scream these days.”

We call this color: Baby Blue Raspberry With A Creamy Center

Back to top