2nd place in Derby #124: Naughty and Nice, with 880 votes!

It’s a shame, really. I mean, it’s just business. Any other day, you’d be down there, diggin’ or whatever it is you people do… hey, I don’t mean that like “you people”, you get it. No disrespect. Like I said, this ain’t personal. The boss just wants to send a message about people getting too close to his winter stash.

If it were up to me, hey, I’d just tell you to knock it off and go hit a ferret club. Them ferrets, man. You ever been with a ferret? Wow, they’re freaks, man, dirty dirty freaks. They’re nothing they don’t do. I got this one up in the city, you know, my on-the-side thing, she works at this club on 8th and 16th… you know it? No? Maaaan. I’d tell you to go when you get a chance, but… well, look. It’s just one of those things, right? You probably didn’t even know about the nuts. This world, man. It’s hard. Hard on everybody.

Hey, at least you’re gonna serve a purpose, right? It ain’t like your gonna be forgotten. You’ll be saving others. Nobody’s gonna dig here no more, because of you. You’ll be a legend! Kinda. That’s gotta count for something. Okay, let’s just get this over with. Head over there. No, there. There. Where I’m pointing. Right where… oh, man, are you blind too? Jeez, evolution didn’t cut you any breaks, did it? Well, at least you won’t see it comin’. Any last words?

Wear this shirt: if you’re a dermatologist. Warning: shirt does not arrive in a sterile condition.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re going to be wondering who would make a spiked mallet and hand it to a squirrel.

This shirt tells the world: “I wonder where the tickets come from?”

We call this color: Little Brown Smudge

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