1st place in Derby #548: Slogans

We’d make a joke about this design, but it would probably be really terrible. Like, it would probably be totally contrived and self-referential in a pathetically obvious way. It would be like that disastrous date we had when the guy was like, “Should we order some wine?” and we nervously said, “Ha ha sure, wine-not?” Get it? Because it sounded like we were saying “Why not?” Anyway, he didn’t get the joke, so we just repeated it louder (“WINE-NOT!”) and he looked sorta startled, and then we accidentally dropped a buttered roll on the floor and even though we picked it up there was still a little butter on the floor, so a passing server slipped on a bit of the butter and fell, and while he was falling, he grabbed a nearby tablecloth and knocked over a candle, and then a napkin ignited, and then it set fire to an old lady’s handbag, and the old lady was like, “MY PRESCRIPTIONS ARE IN THERE!” So we tried to put out the fire by ladling gravy on top of the handbag, but the gravy was somehow a fire accelerant so the whole purse exploded, and then the guy we were on a date with looked at us and yelled, “YOU’RE A MONSTER.” So we ran home and ate a sleeve of Oreos and decided to die alone.

It would be like that.

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