We should’ve known that the radioactive elements would dominate this Derby. They got the action, they got the motion, oh yeah, those neutrons can play. This valentine to that sexy minx plutonium gets the element’s glow right (orange, not green) while it keeps your heart toasty with its nuclear warmth. It’s fashion too cheap to meter!

If your heart gets a little too toasty, though, jump into a cooling tank. You do have an IAEA-approved cooling tank at your house, right?

This shirt was designed by: Derby entrant uhhuhhuhhuh, whose username deserves a round of applause. Never have two little letters said so little.

Wear this shirt: if you want to develop super powers. No, we don’t know that it has any ability-enhancing qualities. But wouldn’t you feel stupid if you didn’t buy it, and then it did?

Don’t wear this shirt: for more than 12 hours per day without protective equipment.

This shirt tells the world: “Up and at them!”

We call this color: White-239.

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