I think that was a Cramps song!

You’ll either get that joke right away or you won’t ever understand without help, so let’s just move on.

The very first time Primitive Man looked up at the night sky, he fell over, because he hadn’t been on Earth very long and balance is a difficult thing to master. But he didn’t give up, that Primitive Man, and soon he was making up stories about the people who lived in the stars. And then Rick Berman came along and ruined everything. You know what they say, Rick, live by the time travel, die by the time travel.

The stars are the reason we’re here. Without a star, our planet would just be a big ol’ piece of rock floating around nothing in particular. They’re mysterious, alluring, compelling and a source of low-level radiation. And with this shirt on, you can be too. Except for that last one. Our lawyers say we can’t stress that enough.

Wear this shirt: to demonstrate how a wormhole would work. Also you’ll need an ant. And you should be able to fold your chest in half. It just takes a little practice.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re trying to escape from an island where you’re being hunted as The Most Dangerous Game. It glows in the dark, you know.

This shirt tells the world: “My god, it’s full of stars.”

We call this color: If You Crumple This Up In The Hamper You Might Make Several New Black Holes So Please Be Careful

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