For many of us in urban environments, rodent passengers are a terrifying daily prospect.

Failed Rocket Raccoon Knockoffs

Battery Shrew: An anthropomorphic North American Long-Tailed Shrew with no military training but a constant supply of AA batteries. Also, he’s pretty temperamental. And rabid.

Jeremy the Turbo Trout: Retired Air Force pilot. Top-notch flight skills across a variety of spacecraft, but he cannot survive outside of his tank for more than five minutes. Look, nobody’s perfect, okay?

Surge Satsuma: A ripe satsuma with awesome leadership skills. Wears a tiny customized bi-lateral jet vest, which is something we just made up.

OppenCamel: An affable and accident-prone nuclear camel. Keeps a supply of uranium in his hump. Has lasers for eyes. He’s super friendly but generally quarantined because, you know, he’s clumsy and slightly radioactive.

Nutrizoom: A pair of nutria with wheels for legs. They don’t talk or anything. Just nutria on wheels.

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