I'm doing a Couch-to-5k plan, without the 5k.

Have you heard of the Couch-to-5k running plan? Basically it's a way to get people who do not exercise in shape to run a 5K race via gradually escalating training. It's a great way to get active again even if your body tells you "hell no" every time you don a pair of sweatpants. I really recommend it. However, I prefer a slightly modified version that removes the pesky 5K element.

My training methodology is simple. Start with short, 20-minute lounges on the couch to get your body acclimated to sloth. Then begin doing 90-second alternates between lounging and napping. You aren't doing it competitively yet, so don't even worry about how hard you're napping. Finally, by the end of the program you'll be able to do a full 30-minute period of indolence on the couch.

You'll be amazed how easy it is to become a couch potato in just a few short weeks. It might even given you the ego boost to someday become a teamster!

Wear this shirt: until you sweat through it completely while watching Firefly.

Don't wear this shirt: after you've sweat through it completely while watching Firefly.

This shirt tells the world: "I'm the Lance Armstrong of laziness without all the doping."

We call this color: Royal Blue Varicose Veins

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