3rd place in Derby #201: Double-Take Derby 13, with 621 votes!

Don’t buy the hype, America! Big Grape would have you believe that raisins are healthy snack alternatives with fiber and nutrients. They want you to think they’re better than candy bars or chocolate. No way! I’ll never eat one, and I won’t let anyone I care about eat one, either.

Do you know where raisins come from? There’s no such thing as a raisin tree. They don’t grow on vines. They’re GRAPES. They’re old, dried out grapes. These monsters put grapes out in the sun and wait for them to dry out and shrivel up and wither. They think that makes them BETTER. You know what we call that where I come from? They call that ROTTING.

Seriously. Try selling people some chicken that you just let sit out in the sun for a couple days. See who gets excited about that. WAKE UP SHEEPLE, THEY’RE FEEDING YOU ROTTEN FRUIT!

Wear this shirt: In a size too small as you cram another fistful of Oreos down your gullet.

Don’t wear this shirt: While eating a Chunky.

This shirt tells the world: It’s pretty clear, right? I mean, we don’t really have to make anything up here. Raisins suck.

We call this color: Raisiny Royal Blue

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