1st place in Derby #257: On The Beach, with 674 votes!   

OEDIPUS:
Aaaiiii, aaaiii . . . Alas! Alas!
How miserable I am . . . such wretchedness . . .
Where do I go? How can the wings of air                                      
sweep up my voice? Oh my destiny,
how far you have sprung now!

CHORUS LEADER
To Dagobah, to that fateful place where men will look away
To hide from what horrors you have wreaked. 

OEDIPUS
His sand castle, I knew it not.
That dire prophesy seen out
The agony of my father's face
Pierces me! The memory of aching shame.

[OEDIPUS BLINDS HIMSELF]

CHORUS LEADER
That is a bit dramatic. After all
We know that you can see with
A blast shield on. So boo-hoo.

OEDIPUS
If I could see, I don't know how my eyes
Could look at my own father when I come
To Hades. Though will I still be blind
When I become one of those ghost Jedi guys?
Ah me! What tortures await me there.
The only thing that could be worse than this
Would be if somebody told me I had been
Sexually aroused by my sister.

[CHORUS WRINGS HANDS NERVOUSLY, LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND MUMBLING "SHOULD YOU TELL HIM OR SHOULD I?"]

Wear this shirt: to the beach to protect against both suns' UV rays.

Don't wear this shirt: on Arrakis.

This shirt tells the world: "I have complicated feelings about my father, unlike everybody else."

We call this color: There aren't many Star Wars puns related to silver.

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