2nd place in Derby #229: Roleplaying in Everyday Life, with 737 votes!
Gather ‘round, good people, gather ‘round and be witness to the most amazing, the most stupendous, the most splendiferous discovery in modern health the world has ever seen! Ladies and gentlemen, both young and old, may I introduce to you Doctor Spirit McGee’s Red Potion of Healing and Other Curative Concerns!
Never before in the history of mankind has the power to heal one’s self been so convenient and affordable! No longer will you have to fret over doctor’s bills or health insurance again! This handy dandy concoction made from an ancient recipe only recently rediscovered by archeologists will bring fire back to cold bones of the elderly and the infirm, power back into weakened muscles of the hard-working common man, and fill the young adventurer’s heart with life, and all for the bargain price of just 68 gold pieces or the equivalent thereof.
Now I hear a few of you out there scoffing at Doctor McGee’s boasts and I respect that. You want proof of the powers within this tonic, and I aim to give it to you. Allow me to demonstrate! You, young man! Step right up here next to me. Hurry along now, don’t be shy. Now then, have you and I ever met?
“Um, no, sir. Not that I recall.”
Of course we haven’t! Let the record show that until this very moment this young man and I have never laid eyes on each other before. Now then, sir, perhaps you can tell me and all these wonderful folks watching what it is I have here in my right hand?
“It’s a, uh, dagger, sir?”
CORRECT! And quite the sharp dagger to boot! Now then, friends, watch closely as I take his blade and shove it hilt-deep into this man’s torso!
“What? WAIT! ARRRRRRRRRRGH!”
Looks pretty nasty, doesn’t it, friends? In fact, a stomach wound is known as one of the most painful things ever experienced by man. Left untreated, this man will writhe in agony for hours, screaming for mercy here in the dirt until the sweet embrace of death wraps its arms around him! But curing a wound like this is much too easy a thing for my fabulous Red Potion, I tell you true! Luckily, I have here behind me my trusty sledgehammer! When swung at full force, this little gem will shatter bone and turn the average extremity into a bloody pulp, as I’m about to show you! Ladies, you and the children may wish to avert your eyes at this moment.
“GAHHHH! OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN, THE PAIN!”
Now, now, sir, don’t pass out from shock just yet. We still haven’t gotten to the good part! As you can all plainly see this man lays broken and bleeding without the means of killing his own self just to end his torment. But let’s see what a little of my Red Potion does for this fallen fellow! There you are, sir! Drink this down quick and tell me how you feel!
“I… I feel fine! There’s no more pain. The wound is closed! My legs aren’t twisted and mangled anymore! I’m OKAY!”
You hear that, ladies and gentlemen! This man was on his deathbed just moments ago and now he’s back on his feet and ready to take life by the horns once again, all due to Doctor Spirit McGee’s Red Potion of Healing and Other Curative Concerns! Whoa, hey, let’s all settle down! Line up, I say, line up! You’ll all get a chance to buy a bottle. We do accept GP, SP, CP, and Rupees if need be!
(“Did I do okay, Doc?”)
(“You did, fine, Reggie, now get the horses ready. I want out of here the moment these rubes have bought the last bottle.)
Wear this shirt: when you feel your life force draining away.
Don’t wear this shirt: without an empty bottle in your inventory.
This shirt tells the world: “It’s not Grandma’s Soup, but it’ll do in a pinch.”
We call this color: Cranberry Concoction
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