Always remember, ladies: Happily Ever After begins with you.

Let’s face it, being the fairest in the land only seems to invite every bad apple in the kingdom to try a little funny business. Sometimes, it seems like every road to Grandmother’s house leads danger and darkness. We’re so worried what to wear to the royal ball or what brand of porridge might impress others, that we never take the time to be “just right” with ourselves.

At Magic Maggie’s School For The Feminine And Fictional, we wholeheartedly believe that no woman’s safety should ever depend on whether or not she’s kissed a frog. A woman should never have to lock her self-worth away in a tower of co-dependence as she waits for some prince to unlock her potential. Instead, we teach our ladies to be their own heroes by giving them the skills they’ll need to face any cunning creature or horrible witch that comes their way. Things like:

• Forest Navigation
• Self-Defense and Weapon Use
• Basic Wolf Identification
• Breaking And Entering 101
• When To Sing And When To Fight (And When To Sing About Fighting)
• Being Better Off Without The Beast
• Poison Fruit And You
• Glass Slipper, Makeshift Shiv

In just the first few weeks you’re here, you’ll go from being an Ugly Duckling of Doubt to a Swan Of Self-Sufficiency. Even your magic mirror won’t recognize the new more confident you! Ask the Old Woman Who Lives In A Shoe about tuition and enrollment today!

Wear this shirt: while reading a self-help book.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re sure your prince will be here any minute.

This shirt tells the world: “You keep your Hans Christian Andersen to yourself, buddy.”

We call this color: Black Shirt, Black Shirt, On The Floor, Are You Clean Enough To Wear Some More?

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