The sad part about Hollywood movies is how they’ve changed our sense
of scale. Take a good look at that car, and the gorilla under it. That
gorilla has to be about ten feet tall, give or take. Now, admittedly,
that’s a pretty big gorilla, but he’s no King Kong. And for people who
grew up with Godzilla and Cloverfield a ten foot tall gorilla won’t be
as scary. Sure, you’ll run for your cameraphone before you even take a
breath, but you’re not going to panic and flee the city. You’ll just go
up on the roof where he can’t reach you and Twitter for an hour or so
until Animal Control gets there and takes him back to the lab. Maybe
he’ll even apologize once he learns sign language.
Of course
when the cute little tanks drive in things might seem a little
different. Tanks make everything more serious. But don’t pretend you
won’t start giggling when an octopus wearing a headband comes running
up out of nowhere. Especially when he grabs the tank. What’s he going
to do with that anyway? Doesn’t he know the firing mechanisms are
people sized and also on the inside? That octopus is going to get hit
in the face with a car and he won’t be able to do anything to stop it.
Full in the face.
If you didn’t notice, this is the 21st
Century. Screenwriters always show people running away but in a world
like this, the appearance of a Monster Island would result in thousands
of dot-com millionaires rushing to a real estate agent. That guy with
sixty five different Megatrons isn’t gonna care if he has to rebuild
the summer home once every three months. Not if he gets to see an
frustrated octopus trying to learn marksmanship each July. Why even
pretend otherwise? If this was happening in the middle of your street
wild horses couldn’t drag you away.
This shirt was designed by: Leon Ryan, who has a wonderful bio on his site.
Unfortunately, the site is in Flash so we can’t cut and paste it and
we’re not writing all that out ourselves. Leon, it’s funny and all, but
it’s way too long. We’ve got things to do, dude.
Wear this shirt: when you’ve just got to play Rampage. Hey, Midway, an octopus patch would be great.
Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re in the middle of the street being dragged away by wild horses. Totally bad for the fabric.
This shirt tells the world: “Hokkaido Expressway closed until further notice.”
We call this color: Vehicular Asphalt And Battery
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