OK, that’s lesson number one. Lesson number two: how to read a Musicians Wanted ad.

Here’s what it says: National act seeks experienced guitarist to complete power trio. Must have look, chops, drive, determination. Vocals, songwriting a plus. Live shows booked. Recording possible in near future. No druggies, poseurs, kids, or headcases.

Here’s what it means: Two old guys who once played a show in Kansas City need another old guy. Must have long hair (no matter how balding), an amp that costs more than we could afford, and no girlfriend, wife, job, kids, school, or other commitments in life. Hope you can sing and write songs, because we sure as hell can’t. The drummer’s brother-in-law said we can probably play at the next Fish Fry at his church if we promise to say a little something about Jesus. Bassist owns two microphones (one working) and a cracked copy of GarageBand. Nobody cooler, better-looking, more exciting, or more interesting than us need apply.

Wear this shirt: if you’re in a promising local band.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re in an unpromising local band.

This shirt tells the world: “Anybody seen the cord for my Talent pedal?”

We call this color: It’s Like, How Much More Black Could This Be?

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