Marvel at the aesthetic judgment of nature: it stows the ugly part underground where you can’t see it. The frippery, the flash, the flair go above the surface. The utilitarian roots, gnarled and brown with nary a wasted molecule of ornament, stay under the surface and do their jobs. Actually, the more we think about it, the more we see a kind of creepy The Time Machine or Brave New World parallel, where the ugly roots are the degenerate working-class drones, and the flower is the pampered and pretty upper class. What are you, nature, some kind of fascist?

This shirt was designed by: biologist Ian Nelson, dabbling in the visual arts and helping us get rid of some of these grass-colored shirts.

Wear this shirt: to commune with nature while you’re sitting in your office building where none of the windows open and all you can see outside is parking lots anyway.

Don’t wear this shirt: and try to camouflage yourself in the grass after that woman across the street catches you peeping into her window. It won’t work all that well, and you’ll be wasting valuable fleeing time.

This shirt tells the world: “I drink your water table! I drink it up!”

We call this color: Grasswoots.

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