The preferred term is “JumpPERSON”

How’d you get this idea that video games are a guy thing? You think it’s only boys and man-children who feel compelled to demonstrate their hand-eye coordination by mass-murdering pixel-people? You think you can’t rock the double-X chromosomes and still have the right mixture of asocial tendencies and obsessive compulsions it takes to be a proficient joystick jockey?

Sorry dude, but it’s the digital age. That means girls and women can aspire to be basically anything boys and men can. And that includes being indoorsy, soft-bodied, socially stunted, vidiotic console-zombies.

If that’s what they want.

Wear this shirt: when you have all your friends over to watch Fred Savage in THE WIZARD.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re just watching Fred Savage in THE WIZARD by yourself, though. Why bother getting all dressed up if no one’s coming over? You’ll just get Dorito dust all over your clean laundry. Everyone knows the proper uniform for watching THE WIZARD alone is underwear you slept in and a filthy bathrobe.

This shirt tells the world: “Any boss you can beat I can beat faster. I can beat any boss faster than you.”

We call this color: Gee!! I Wish I Were a Man—I’d Join The Navy

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