Woke Up This Morning, Got Myself A Plum
I called you here because we’ve got to solve a problem. And we’ve got to solve it right now.
As many of you know, our associate Tomato has been spending more and more time with the vegetable family. I once felt this was a valuable friendship to cultivate, but perhaps I was wrong. Now it seems that Tomato has forgotten that he is, and always will be, a member of this family of ours. He’s brought in outsiders, thinking he could escape us. He’s hidden himself behind the law. I say the law is just paper. Seeds are what’s important. It’s seeds that make up our family. Not paper.
Tonight we’re sending a message to the vegetables. We need them to know that what they have done will not be tolerated. We need to make it clear that what’s theirs is theirs, and what’s ours is ours. After tonight there’s no more squash as the vegetable of the day, no more cucumbers in the world’s salads, no more peppers, or green bean casserole, no more zucchini, no more any of it. They had their chance to come back and do the right thing. After tonight this family lives by one rule. No seeds, it bleeds.
You all have been with me since the beginning. No one in this room has ever pretended to be anything less than a fruit. Apple, Pear, the Strawberry Twins, I’m proud to be surrounded by all of you. Everyone in this room is family to me now, from this moment on. When this is over, what you have done for us will not be forgotten. Not by me. Not by anyone. Are there any final questions? Okay, then. Everybody take a weapon. Let’s go.
Wear this shirt: when you’re enjoying some wine. After all, what is wine but rotten fruit under controlled conditions? Think of it as a conglomerate of white color criminals.
Don’t wear this shirt: with a dirty pair of Fruit Of The Loom underwear. It’ll make you look tougher, sure, but who wants to be “that guy in dirty underwear”?
This shirt tells the world: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. That’s why there’s so many distribution companies.”
We call this color: Everyone Forgets That The Olive Is Also A Fruit. But It Has Never Forgotten. And One Day, The Whole World Will Know. Mu Ha Ha. Mu Ha Ha Ha Ha.
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