You could say I “sniffed out the killer” the moment he entered the room.

Oh you were very clever, Mr. Bellers. Incredibly clever, in fact. You left us virtually no clues to follow, no fingerprints, no strands of hair, no bits of mud from your shoe, etc. There were no eyewitnesses to speak of. No one in the area reported any disturbances before the body was found. For all accounts, you slipped in here like a ghost and took that poor man’s life just as silent as you please.

But like all criminals, you made one critical error. You may have taken care of sight and sound, sir, but you were not so diligent when it came to scent, and I’m afraid your crotch puts you directly at the scene of the crime.

Officers, you may take him away. And Watson, be a dear and fetch my treats, will you? I’ll just be here enjoying the celebratory licking of my own genitals.

Wear this shirt: while taking a bite out of crime.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you prefer Great Danes and van travel.

This shirt tells the world: “The only mystery he can’t figure out is why other dog’s poop is so delicious.”

We call this color: I Would’ve Gotten Away With It, Too, If It Hadn’t Been For That Meddling Creme

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