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Rule No.1: Cardio

by walmazan

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Mar 29 - Mar 31
  • Express - Estimated delivery Mar 29
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members
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Whew. Wow. This. Is. Not. As. Fun. As. I. Pictured.

3rd place in Derby #195: Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!, with 803 votes!

Guys. Wait. Up. I. Can’t. Catch. My. Breath!

huff huff huff

Whew! JEEZ this sucks. I gotta say when I had pictured this going down in my head it wasn’t nearly so difficult. I figured zombies break out, I drive down to the local gun store, find an unheard-of collection of illicit assault rifles and shotguns, steal a cool SUV, and start looking for babes to save. I had no idea it would involve so much running and screaming and abject terror.

I couldn’t even get that stupid .22 to work; the damn thing jammed. I had no idea guns could DO that! I thought it was basically point and click. Turns out guns are heavy and kind of difficult to aim and it’s really hard to hit an undead brainpan with any accuracy. And these things triangulate sound so well you can’t even sit long enough to catch your breath before they’re tearing down your ramshackle barricades.

You know, I always figured a lifetime of fast-twitch video game shooters had prepared me for this day. Turns out it’s a lot less about shooting things and a lot more about being physically active. I know, right? Who knew?

I have to keep venturing into town to try and scavenge old canned food because I don’t know how to grow anything. My zombie combat options are basically “flee in terror” because I never learned how to operate a firearm and I get winded after two swings of this baseball bat. I can’t even get access to clean water so now I’ve got intestinal distress on top of all of it. It’s cold at night and hot during the day and there’s no power to run an A/C unit or central heating or god forbid a freakin’ Xbox.

What the hell was I thinking? This isn’t fun at all. This is hard!

Wear this shirt: While hitting the gym and maybe taking some basic survival or first aid courses. Just, y’know, in case.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you’re just going to shamble around biting people.

This shirt tells the world: “Forget the gun store. I’m heading to the bicycle shop.”

We call this color: We’re going to die here and it’s all my Asphalt!

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 39.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 9% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 21% one year old
  • 65% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Rule No.1: Cardio by walmazan
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.