Under the waves, everything you know about turtles is wrong.

Yeah, I’m slow when I’m on your turf. But how fast can YOU swim? Up on dry land, I’m a joke, a metaphor, a cautionary example of what can happen when a rabbit rests on his laurels. But how do you think that smug rabbit would do out in the open sea?

Me, I’m clocking 10 knots without breaking a sweat, faster if I’m frightened. I’m a freakin’ torpedo with a beak and teeth. Still laughing? Leave your turtle jokes on the beach, landlubber. They don’t make any sense down here.

Wear this shirt: while grazing on sea grass, an essential function for the maintenance of marine ecosystems.

Don’t wear this shirt: while you take a nap because you’re so far ahead of your opponent you can’t possibly lose this race.

This shirt tells the world: “You mess with my nest, you better hope the police catch you first.”

We call this color: Dream of the Royal Blue Turtles.

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