Everybody just stay calm. I got this.

Okay, I know we’re all a little winded after running from that seemingly nefarious, yet unseen force in the woods. Now that we’ve locked ourselves in this old cabin miles away from anyone who can help us, you’re a little worried about our chances for survival. Let me just say, you have nothing to worry about. I’m a Creature Scout.

I mean, just look at my shirt. That’s right, I was there during the Great Ectoplasmic Containment Explosion of 1984. Raccoon City in 1996? Survived that, too. And those reported vampire sightings up in Washington? Let’s just say there’s a little less sparkle to a certain tiny Northwestern town. The badges to prove it are all along this printed sash, buddy.

You’re all a little skeptical. I understand. Let me just flip this switch over here and BAM! See how those badges glow with a supernatural light almost beyond human comprehension? I am that legit.

Now then, if there are no other questions, I’ll just turn this light back on and… Hey, where did Debbie go?

Wear this shirt: As a reminder to the Denizens of the Dark that you mean serious business.

Don’t wear this shirt: To the Annual Cantankerously Criminal Old Carnival Caretaker Convention. Especially, if you’ve brought a dog with you.

This shirt tells the world: “Nobody steps on a church in my town.”

We call this color: Grim Situation Grey

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