2nd place in Derby #140: Things That Start With the Letter S, with 800 votes!

I loved being a lumberjack, but I hate the outdoors. So this pencil-sharpener gig is like the best of both worlds for me. I still get to do a lot of chainsawing. I still get to wear the hat and the shirt and the suspenders. But I get to do it all in a cramped room, knee-deep in sawdust, under a sickly yellow lightbulb. Paradise. You got anything you need sharpened? Please?

Wear this shirt: when you hang around in bars. Just be sure to order a women’s size.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re afraid of lead poisoning. Because if you’re an adult and you still think pencil “lead” can give you lead poisoning, we’d rather not have you wearing our shirts.

This shirt tells the world: “I’d rather be one of the tiny actors inside the TV, but it’s a living.”

We call this color: Something About Baby Blue And Pencils, Or Maybe Chainsaws, Whatever, It’s Quitting Time And I’ve Been Writing These Cutesy Puns All Day

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