This meeting of the Brotherhood of Oklahoma Mutants is now in session.
Friends, welcome. Too long have we known the tyranny of the “mundanes” that refuse to admit our genetic superiority. Larry, remember when that short order cook made fun of your long ears? Truly, if this were the comic books, we would have crushed him that day! But as it stands we just put the tip under a glass of water turned upside down. Even still, our name means fear!
It is our duty, my friends, to gather our people and stand as one. To put our six fingered hands and ten toed webbed feet together… okay, not literally, Hank, don’t hurt yourself… and be an inspiration to those who would fear and destroy our culture! What culture? Well… I wrote a song about Captain Picard meeting King Arthur. And Donna has a really cool fanfic about Angel going to the North Pole and falling in love with Rudolph. Who’s to say what culture really is, anyway? Incidentally, Donna, you can’t wear that deer costume to meetings anymore. No, I’m pretty sure that “the need to dress like a deer” is not a “brain mutation”. Donna, we’re not… we’re not debating this. Can I get on with my speech? Can I get on with my speech, please?
So know this: all of you in the Brotherhood of Oklahoma Mutants are under my protection. Whenever you receive substandard hash browns, I will be there. Whenever you are overcharged for the additional undercoating, I will be there. Whenever you are moved to tears over the thought of spending one more winter without a nice pair of gloves, I will be there. And may God have mercy on those who stand in our way.
Today, Oklahoma! Tomorrow, the world!
Wear this shirt: if men call you… HEXIPOKE! And don’t even start being ignorant about that prefix because you don’t poke with the thumb at all and we’re right.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a coffin-shaped evil time-travelling robot from a deadly future who also happens to be neon pink. We miss you, Nimrod. You were the best.
This shirt tells the world: “Hand me a guitar, jerkface, and get ready to shut up.”
We call this color: Skinny Black Genes
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