Once you reach the top of this game, you run into some real crazy types. Like that toad who spends all his money on race cars. Or that dalmatian who got his spots turned into dollar signs so he’d look pretty. Crazy, crazy stuff. And then there’s this duck I play golf with, he keeps his assets liquid enough to swim in. Hey, it’s their money, right? But I’m the kind of crab who likes to keep things simple. My only vice is real estate.

I learned this business from my dad. His motto was “never own anything you can’t carry”. I tell myself that every day, and it’s why I’ve been in the business long enough to have seen ‘em all come and go. I got no compassion any more. You can’t let yourself think “Oh, no, Charlie’s getting picked up by a seagull!” Charlie ain’t gonna need that shell in Escargot Heaven, you know? If you don’t grab it, some new kid will. That’s just the name of the game in the animal world, my friend. Look out for number one. Some people say that makes me shellfish. I say hey, it’s just business.

This shirt was designed by: kpetrasko, who knows that, despite our little joke up there, Escargot is not made from hermit crabs. It’s made from spinach and pickles.

Wear this shirt: for a about a year or so, until you grow, and are forced to leave the shirt for a newer, larger shirt. Just like in the wild.

Don’t wear this shirt: hunting. It’s just common sense.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m feeling crabby today.”

We call this color: If Olive Your Money Is Tied Up In Houses You Should Consider Meeting With Your Banker To Diversify For Better Long Term Investment Strategies

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