3rd place in Derby #494: Anthropomorphic Everyday Objects with 115 votes!
ACT 2, SCENE 1: In the fridge.
KALE: Mary Watermelon, a noodle have been found inside this potpie.
MARY WATERMELON, bewildered: Why I meant no ham by it, sir.
CROCKPOT, quickly: You stuck that noodle in yourself?
MARY WATERMELON: I--I believe I did, sir I--
CROCKPOT, to KALE: What say you now?
KALE, watching Mary Watermelon closely: Child, you are certain this be your natural memory? May it be, perhaps that someone conjures you even now to say this?
MARY WATERMELON: Conjures me? Why no sir, I am entirely myself, I think. Let you ask Susanna Walcod—-she saw me stewin’ it in cocotte. Or better still: Ask Crabby, Crabby sat beside me when I made it.
CROCKPOT, to Kale and Chèvre: Bid him begone. Your mind is surely sautéed now. Bid him out, Mr. Kale.
EGGLIZABETH: What signifies a noodle?
KALE: Mary—-you charge a cold and cruel mustard on Crabigail.
MARY WARREN: MUSTARD! I charge no—-
KALE: Crabigail was stewed tonight; a noodle were found stuck into her jelly—-
EGGLIZABETH: And she charges me?
EGGLIZABETH, breathless: Why—-! The girl is mustard! She must be whipped out of the world!
END SCENE 2
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