2nd place in Derby #167: Meme Mashup!, with 613 votes!

No, Doug, I’m not seeing anyone else. It’s not about your pathological suspicion of the deodorant industry. It’s not about how your Thrifty Nickel archive has made it impossible to use our dining room. It’s not about your habit of keeping your ear-scrapings in a jar. It’s not about your belligerent defense of the Confederate cause. It’s not even about how we always have to drop what we’re doing and get home in time for Two and a Half Men.

It’s about that shirt.

You know which shirt. I had to ask myself if I could ever truly love a man who had to consult a flow chart to decide which shirt to wear. Here’s your answer. Until I find a new place, I’ll be at my sister’s. But please don’t call.

Wear this shirt: hey, you don’t need us for this. Just follow the chart.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you prefer your flowcharts on a screen, or a whiteboard, or nonexistent.

This shirt tells the world: “Now I just need a chart that tells me whether I should brush my teeth.”

We call this color: Royal & Flow.

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