Here’s the one we’re gonna do at open mic night tomorrow

Behold, the idiot box! Weapon of mass distortion!
Vomiting propaganda in enormous portions!

American idle fat couch potato, indoctrinate a
Child before he has a chance to learn!
He takes a turn!

For the worse, to another station!
More disinformation!
Junk news brought to you by junk foods!

Talking heads with something to sell!
A nightmare mind-control device from 24-hour cable hell!

So-called “reality shows” are not real!
The TV wants your soul, America! Deal or no deal?

Unplug the box, it’s toxic!
It shuts your open mind and locks it!

Destroy your flatscreen plasma!
It belches forth a sick miasma!

Television is slavery, people, release yourselves!
Television is slavery, people, release yourselves!
Television is slavery, people, release yourselves!

Except on Wednesday nights at 9:00, that’s when LOST is on

And LOST is pretty good

Wear this shirt: under a sportcoat with the sleeves pushed up for a hip, New Wave look.

Don’t wear this shirt: over a sportcoat, however. We’re all for trying to come up with unique new styles, but come on, that will just look stupid.

This shirt tells the world: “Was someone talking about television in here? No? Oh. Well, if you guys start talking about television, do me a favor and call me in here, OK? Because I always appreciate an opportunity to bring it up again that I don’t have a television. Which I don’t.”

We call this color: The Black Box.

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