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Sliced Bread

by skirochester

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 16 - Dec 17
  • Express - Estimated delivery Dec 13
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

The Earl Of Sandwich’s Knife

2nd place in Derby #136: The New Vintage, with 1124 votes!

The truth is that this “greatest thing” nonsense didn’t start right away. No, slicing bread went back to the very first moment someone had a loaf and a pair of dirty hands. The reality is that sliced bread isn’t the invention in question. It’s PRE-sliced bread that changed the world.

But even then, what was the big deal? It saved maybe… oh, fifteen seconds of Mom’s time when making lunches. BIG DEAL. For people who grew up in a world where knife fights were the primary form of entertainment, fifteen seconds with a knife wasn’t anything at all.

No, the big deal with “sliced bread” was that finally, FINALLY, there was a universal standard on which everyone could agree. No more “where I come from, this would be better than Grandmother’s pudding!” nonsense. What good what that do in a house where Grandmother made terrible pudding? No, the sliced of bread wasn’t the important thing. The important thing was that it finally made us all… Americans.

Until Ron Paul smuggled in those stupid English Muffins. WE HAD A SYSTEM, RON. IT WAS WORKING.

Wear this shirt: to the bakery! They’ll high five you and probably give you a free lukewarm cross bun as well.

Don’t wear this shirt: because bread is supposed to be TORN not SLICED. And you pour your olive oil from the LEFT side of the bottle? Ugh. How disgusting. You plebeians don’t even understand food at ALL.

This shirt tells the world: “I am the new standard by which all things are measured. Look upon my smooth face and despair.”

We call this color: Red As The Coils Of A Toaster In Use

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 7.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 96% second woot
  • 4% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 5% joined today
  • 0% one week old
  • 2% one month old
  • 27% one year old
  • 65% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 96% bought 1
  • 3% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

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Sliced Bread by skirochester
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.