Maybe it’s more of an endurance race this time.

The original Tortoise And The Hare was a caution against over-confidence. That hare could easily have won, he just wanted to completely dominate, and in so doing, lost it all. But there are also lots of other races out there, and a smart athlete knows he can’t take a loss personally.

So we’re thinking that after the race, maybe Mr. Hare paid a little call on Mr. Tortoise to talk about a six day Baja endurance challenge. The kind of race where contestants from all over the globe gather to survive the kind of harsh climate a reptile might take for granted.

Yeah, on Day One, absolutely they’ll be in last place. But when everyone else stops for the night, that tortoise can just keep on going. He’s already proven it once, right? And with the hare taking little rapid-burst scouting missions to track the other racers and look at terrain, it’ll be easy for them to plot out the ideal places to strike.

And then, at the very end, when the other racers are exhausted, Mr. Hare can make a huge leap off his partner’s back and cross that finish line with a burst of rested-and-ready speed. It’s a sure thing, people. A sure thing.

Now, who wants to place a bet? It’s 8-1 right now, so it’s easy money, yeah? I shouldn’t even allow it, it’s like you’re robbing me!

Wear this shirt: for your first marathon! Also try not to get any spaghetti on it the night before.

Don’t wear this shirt: if it’s gonna keep you up at night, trying to figure out where you can order a rabbit-sized saddle designed to fit a tortoise.

This shirt tells the world: “On your mark, get set, Galapagos!”

We call this color: Hare Creme

Back to top