Representative Green Beard, you have the floor.
2nd place in Derby #240: Take THAT, Ninja!, with 729 votes!
Arrr, mateys and landlubbers alike. Fine my eyes meet ye here on this morrow.
Good morning, friends and fellow United Nations delegates. I am honored to be speaking to you here today.
Things be tighter than a parrot’s beakhole, and I come hopin’ to offer parley.
Tensions between the Pirate Republic and the United States have reached an all-time high, but we remain committed to productive negotiations and talks.
Fairly warned be ye: stop flappin’ yer trap and tellin’ untrue tales, mateys. A long walk off a short plank awaits any soul who dares speak ill o’ the pirate clan!
We continue to adamantly refute the United States’ false and misleading allegations concerning our Kraken research program.
No need for such gypsy magic, has a pirate! The blade of a sword and the ball of a musket be all we need to take what we want!
Our research into resurrecting the Kraken, a giant mythical sea squid, is strictly for peaceful, power-generating applications.
Seagulls be damned, you got us by the short and curlies. ‘Tis harder than a barnacle’s backside to be movin’ grog by the barrel these days.
That said, we recognize the UN sanctions have adversely impacted our economy.
So send yer bravest o’ souls to the Isle of Skulls, if you dare. No safe passage shall we guarantee, but if ye survive, heroes ye shall be.
We are open to resuming inspections of our Kraken development facilities by UN representatives in exchange for the lifting of economic sanctions and the grog embargo.
Now avast, ye swabs! What say ye?!
We hope this is the first step towards a productive and peaceful relationship between our nations. Thank you.
Wear this shirt: Any time you’re taking a boat ride. If you’re shipwrecked with a pirate in some kind of Enemy Mine situation, it’s your only hope.
Don’t wear this shirt: If you want to be taken seriously as an adult.
This shirt tells the world: “Arrr, four years o’ schoolin’ in me wee days and another four in college and all I know is how to ask for another beer!”
We call this color: I sat in the black of my ESL classes.
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