1st place in Derby #63: Art as Text, with 790 votes!

You can do anything with sound these days. With a little bit of work you can take your mom’s sweet voice and turn it into some creepy Darth Vader sounding robo-thing. The military has been experimenting with weapons that turn a baby’s cry into a concentrated beam of annoyance going right into the enemy’s ear. And software programs make it so easy to see the music. We’ve gotta ask, has anyone tried to play the stock market yet? Maybe it sounds like the Chemical Brothers or the Wu-Tang Clan.

If a tree falls in the woods, does anyone care what it looks like? No, of course not! There’s no debate at all! But hundreds of thousands of monks have become enlightened thinking about the sound. We’re not saying this makes the ears more important. We’re just saying, maybe eye lobbyists have more influence than you think. And maybe you should pay a little more attention to those forgotten heroes on the side of your head. Especially the left one. Ugh. Do you even know what a Q-Tip is?

Wear this shirt: if you’re trying to be an updated “serious” version of Marvel Comics bad guy Klaw. You probably will also want a mohawk or a skateboard or maybe a lemur sidekick. But don’t smoke. Smoking means Vertigo. And once you go Vertigo, you never come back. They’re the big boy pants of the comic world.

Don’t wear this shirt: at the library. No one likes it when you get clever with the rules. People are trying to read in peace. Jerkface.

This shirt tells the world: “Wavin’! I’m wavin’! I’m wavin’, wavin’, wavin’!”

We call this color: Black Tie Black Noise

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