Free Express shipping for Prime members. Learn more
X

Free shipping for Prime members on Woot!

Woot! customers who are Amazon Prime members can enjoy special shipping benefits on Woot!, including:

Amazon Prime membership required. See individual offer pages for shipping details and restrictions. Not valid for international shipping addresses.

Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen

by BootsBoots

$19.00 + free shipping
Asphalt
New
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Feb 26 - Feb 28
  • Express - Estimated delivery Feb 24
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members
Add to cart

NSFW (Not Safe For Whales)

2nd place in Derby #118: Visual Puns, with 1103 votes!

PETER, A BOY FROM NANTUCKET: A whale! I’ve sighted a whale! Aye, there’s her spout now! Just off the port bow! A whale, boys, a whaaale!

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Make haste, ye lazy dogs! Ye heard the boy! An extra ration of whiskey for the hand that kills the whale! Stand by the braces! Man the boats! Say, what kind of a whale be she, lad?

PETER: Uh… you know.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: I surely don’t, lad. You’re in the crow’s-nest; you tell me.

PETER: It’s, uh… that is… It’s a…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Right whale? Pilot? Humpback?

PETER: Sp… a sp… It’s a sp…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Oh, for the love of Mary, lad, sperm. Sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm. You’ll never make it in this business if ye’re embarrassed to say “sperm.”

PETER: Aye, cap’n.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: That’s just what they’re called. Sperm whales. It’s a perfectly innocent name. Let’s hear ye say it.

PETER: Uh, right now, cap’n?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Yes, now! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Spit it out!

PETER: Sp-spit it out?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: SPERM! SPERM! Land sakes, boy, how old are you? What kind of seaman do you expect to make?

PETER: I beg your pardon, sir?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: WHAT KIND OF SEAMAN WILL YOU MAKE?

PETER: I’m not, uh… sure. Are there many different kinds?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: What, are ye afraid to become a sailor? Ashamed of the sailor’s life? Worried what your folks will think if ye come home with a salty mouth?

PETER: Uh, maybe you're right, sir. Could you guys just drop me off at Nantucket? I think I've had my fill of seamen for one lifetime.

FIRST MATE CHISHOLM: Captain, the whaleboats are ready! Are you coming?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: No, but I sure am excited!

Wear this shirt: sailing, sailing.

Don’t wear this shirt: as part of a cetacean-themed outfit that incorporates an exposed “whale tail.”

This shirt tells the world: “Heh! Heh! ‘Sperm.’ Heh!”

We call this color: Salty Asphalty

Back to top

Features

Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 3.000s
First Sucker:
GreatClips
Last Wooter to Woot:
posthuman1

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 5% one month old
  • 37% one year old
  • 49% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 0% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

17%
7%
4%
4%
2%
1%
2%
4%
4%
4%
5%
6%
5%
5%
4%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

3%
1%
1%
1%
1%
93%
1%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

join the discussion (123 comments)
join the discussion (123 comments)

Best sellers in Shirt

Deals our customers love best.
  1. Nevermore
    $1500
  2. Starcheology
    $1500
  3. Vincent Van Groot
    $1500
  4. Stop the Intolerance
    $1500
Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen by BootsBoots
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.