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Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen

by BootsBoots

$19.00 + free shipping
Asphalt
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Oct 01 - Oct 02
  • Express - Estimated delivery Sep 30
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

NSFW (Not Safe For Whales)

2nd place in Derby #118: Visual Puns, with 1103 votes!

PETER, A BOY FROM NANTUCKET: A whale! I’ve sighted a whale! Aye, there’s her spout now! Just off the port bow! A whale, boys, a whaaale!

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Make haste, ye lazy dogs! Ye heard the boy! An extra ration of whiskey for the hand that kills the whale! Stand by the braces! Man the boats! Say, what kind of a whale be she, lad?

PETER: Uh… you know.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: I surely don’t, lad. You’re in the crow’s-nest; you tell me.

PETER: It’s, uh… that is… It’s a…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Right whale? Pilot? Humpback?

PETER: Sp… a sp… It’s a sp…

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Oh, for the love of Mary, lad, sperm. Sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm. You’ll never make it in this business if ye’re embarrassed to say “sperm.”

PETER: Aye, cap’n.

CAPTAIN BALZAC: That’s just what they’re called. Sperm whales. It’s a perfectly innocent name. Let’s hear ye say it.

PETER: Uh, right now, cap’n?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: Yes, now! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Spit it out!

PETER: Sp-spit it out?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: SPERM! SPERM! Land sakes, boy, how old are you? What kind of seaman do you expect to make?

PETER: I beg your pardon, sir?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: WHAT KIND OF SEAMAN WILL YOU MAKE?

PETER: I’m not, uh… sure. Are there many different kinds?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: What, are ye afraid to become a sailor? Ashamed of the sailor’s life? Worried what your folks will think if ye come home with a salty mouth?

PETER: Uh, maybe you're right, sir. Could you guys just drop me off at Nantucket? I think I've had my fill of seamen for one lifetime.

FIRST MATE CHISHOLM: Captain, the whaleboats are ready! Are you coming?

CAPTAIN BALZAC: No, but I sure am excited!

Wear this shirt: sailing, sailing.

Don’t wear this shirt: as part of a cetacean-themed outfit that incorporates an exposed “whale tail.”

This shirt tells the world: “Heh! Heh! ‘Sperm.’ Heh!”

We call this color: Salty Asphalty

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Features

Our graphic tees are made for every day that you need to get shirt done! Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our shirts are printed in the USA and every time you buy a shirt, one of our talented artists gets paid!

T-Shirts

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Women’s V-Necks

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Tank Tops

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Long Sleeves

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Pullover Hoodies

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Crewneck Sweatshirts

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Zip Hoodies

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Raglans

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Specs

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 3.000s

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 8% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 5% one month old
  • 37% one year old
  • 49% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 0% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

17%
7%
4%
4%
2%
1%
2%
4%
4%
4%
5%
6%
5%
5%
4%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
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3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

3%
1%
1%
1%
1%
92%
1%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

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Sperm Whales Make Great Seamen by BootsBoots
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.