2nd place in Derby #35: Spring!, with 650 votes!

Son, it’s time you learned the facts of life. I know you’ve wondered about where babies come from. It’s natural you’d be curious. Well, let me put it like this:

When a man and a woman either love each other very much or have ordered too many margaritas, they… that is…

Well, courtship is a bit like a dance, son. An intimate, sometimes foul-smelling dance. What I mean is… er…

Have you ever heard the word “engorged?” No, no, bad place to start. Uhh, remember last summer when we went to the primate house at the zoo? You know what? Let me think about how to explain this. OK, starting over.

See, look over there. See those butterflies flitting from flower to flower? Well, what they’re doing there, is they’re helping to make new flowers. That butterfly there, he’s carrying pollen from one flower to another. And over there—Well, I guess that’s some kind of robot. And he’s … hmmn, I guess he’s chasing the butterflies around, trampling the flowers, and, uh, rampaging. So, uh.

I guess, uh… yeah. That’s pretty much where babies come from. Any questions?

Wear this shirt:

every day until it’s threadbare, then cut out the design and sew it into a pillow stuffed with your true love’s hair. Pro tip: Remove the hair from your true love’s head first.

Don’t wear this shirt: without a pre-wash—you don’t know what goes on in our printing and packing facility, and you don’t want to have to find out from your dermatologist.

This shirt tells the world: “Disassemble… Dead?”

We call this color: Human Baby Blue

Back to top