St. Catty's Day
by APSketches
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once upon a time, there was a sainted cat named catrick. catrick was enlisted to chase the snakes out of ireland, because the snakes kept eating all the mice, and mice are the “corned” part of corned beef. catrick was like, “okay, i’ll get those pesky snakes.” and then he went to the top of a nearby hill to begin his conquest.
after some time, catrick encountered his first snake. he swatted and batted and pawed and clawed, and eventually the snake was all, “i don’t need any of this noise,” so he slithered off to buy an easyjet ticket for london.
catrick felt pretty great after this initial victory. he waited for another snake to challenge, but got distracted by a sunbeam. then he ate too many shamrocks and threw up in the river liffey. he completely forgot about his task and that is why ireland is lousy with snakes today. we set aside one day every year to mark catrick’s efforts with a whole bunch of casually stereotypical albeit well-meaning traditions.
also catrick ate all the corning mice.
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