Gold-Medal Winner of Derby #55b: Derbylympics, 2nd Event – Oxymorons, with 484 votes! Let’s also hear it for riffmaster18 (silver and bronze)!

This ancient stoner named Zeno came up with this mind-blowing paradox one night sitting around watching Antigone reruns with his broheims: to get anywhere, first you gotta get halfway there, right? But you gotta get halfway to halfway first, see what I’m saying? And like halfway to that, and halfway to that…you could go on forever, man. And you’d never really get anywhere. So, like, check this out: none of us can actually ever get anywhere, ever. Whoa. Then they moved on to discussing what color farts are.

Anyway, this falling turtle proves that the Zenomeister should’ve stopped partying after the tenth hit. Because it’s going somewhere: out of our warehouse and onto your back.

This shirt was designed by: gold-medal Derbylympian eHalcyon, who’s like a cross between Michael Phelps and Shawn Johnson, but with mad Illustrator skillz.

Wear this shirt: on St. Patrick’s Day, because it’s got just enough green to keep you from being pinched without decking yourself out like a leprechaun.

Don’t wear this shirt: because you think it’ll make the other boys and girls like you. If they care about something silly like that, they’re not really your friends anyway.

This shirt tells the world: “See how this shirt is, like, a total oxymoron? Oh, you don’t? Darn. I was kinda hoping you’d explain it to me.”

We call this color: Navy Intelligence.

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